So the year has come and gone and I have nothing to really profound to say that I have not said before.  So let me get to the point, as I follow all hoards of people who write about their past and upcoming year. The year 2007 was a whirlwind. It was filled with ups and downs, tons of work and travel and lots and lots of laughs, creativity, love and fun. This new year I do not have any specific resolutions. Rather it is more of an abstract concept, which is to continue living and exploring my creative consciousness. I already feel very connected with life and I feel that good things are around the corner – even if that corner takes up the entire year. It could mean something totally different from the last 12 years, where career and independence was so important to me. Having achieved that to a satisfying point I am ready for my new adventure. Moving out of Southern California was the first major step on this new journey. It’s scary, yet exhilarating. So here’s to the New Year and a new chapter (not just year) in my life!

About three months ago I made a major life decision that put me through several rollercoaster emotions. During that time I wrote a piece called “Losing Myself,” a work that I never published. Instead I locked it away in my heart, mind and within the depths of my computer. I am finally releasing it because, well, I feel it is important as a creative writer and person to expose my vulnerabilities sometimes. Only then will I be able to see things a little bit clearer.  So here it is, written on Nov 4, 2007.

Losing Myself 

Over a year ago I was somewhat content with my life. Today, for the most part I am, but I recognize that there needs to be a change. The process for that is already in motion as I explore other work opportunities and make a leap to live in another city and be with the one I love. 

But what really is love? And is this really the right decision? Why do I doubt? I think the moment I start doubting is when I start to lose myself and that feeling fills me with unease. It’s a feeling too familiar to me, reminding me of the days growing up nd going through certain adolescent and young adult anguishes.  

Socrates’ famous quote of “An unexamined life is not worth living” holds some revealing truth. I only say some because, in my head, what and who’s life and how far should I examine? Why should I care in intense detail the complexities of how society is being “brain washed” by media and marketing campaigns? What benefit does it offer to my own personal life?  

Perhaps it matters a little. The fact that I am aware of it means that I have examined it and have decided that I am not going to be one of the programmed robots of the 21^st Century.  

I admitt I play the selfish card. Perhaps I play the ignorant card as well. If I feel it is important to the quality of my life at that very moment then I will analyze it. But if, on the whole, I am trying to examine the general socio behaviors of thousands of people, I’ve got to seriously ask myself, WHY? 

That is when I begin to loose myself. That is when I lose the self that I enjoy and desire to be. A carefree individual who lives in the now and never believes in the action of “being bored.” But am I kidding myself? Am I pretending? Am I really not who I appear to be? See, those are words of a self doubter and I do not want to be that person.

I have to believe that I see my own world as I choose and know that my life is just a tiny microcosm of something truly bigger. I know that is who I am. I can’t concern myself with everyone’s woes, especially when I don’t have the answer to change. I can only change to better myself and hope that one, two, or thousands will learn or want to experience their lives by my example. So I must stop losing myself and just live. It’s my only chance at true happiness.

-end-

Today I was browsing YouTube for some interesting and funny content when this one thumbnail caught my eye. No, it was not some hot, muscle ripped guy with his shirt off giving me that come-hither look. Rather it was a freeze frame with some older fellow in a suit and the word ‘TechCrunch’ across the bottom. Immediately the inner-geek came to surface and I was compelled to click play. 

Halfway through the video I am already on my instant messenger sending this to all my tech friends, many who are trying to live the lives mentioned in the music video. After exchanges of OMG and LOL’s I realize that this song is in some small way about me too. Not that I am trying to become a billionaire, though it would be nice, but I am no different than the next entrepreneur. I have ideas, I like to create things, I love technology and I can spend hours in front of a computer without even realizing. Is that so bad? 

Of course, being in my line of work I just HAD to look to see if this video was on MySpace too. They were, but as a music group and there were no videos! Surprising, but awesome for YouTube! I see feature potential in the future! In the meantime, these guys live in San Francisco so perhaps I’ll look them up and introduce myself. Until then, enjoy this video my lovable my fellow geeks.

Ok, people just crack me up sometimes. Check out what this couple wants to do …

“WELLINGTON (Reuters) – A New Zealand couple is looking to call their newborn son Superman — but only because their chosen name of 4Real has been rejected by the government registry.”
source: Reuters on YahooNews

Oh this poor, poor child. I think his parents smoke too much “kryptonyte.”

Browsing through the off the wall news on my “lunch break” I came across this headline “Magic Mushrooms face ban in Netherlands.” First, who the hell still calls them “magic mushrooms” and secondly, you can’t blame the little fungi for the girl’s deal. Seriously… read the article.  But here are some key points from the article. People are so quick to blame… 

“Gaelle Caroff’s parents blamed their daughter’s death in March on hallucinations brought on by the mushrooms, although the teenager had suffered from psychiatric problems in the past. “

 Later in the article the reporter speaks with a researcher on the subject and he says:

“…mushrooms themselves are not a health threat because they are neither addictive nor toxic.

However, people who take them may hurt themselves or others, he said. The risks grow if mushrooms are combined with alcohol or cannabis, or if people already have psychiatric problems.

“They really shouldn’t use mushrooms because that can trigger psychosis,” he said.”

It’s just sad … oh well.

Still five hours until our charity comedy show tonight and look at what a beautiful day it is out here in Birmingham, Alabama! In the past hour the satellite tv channels have gone out, thunderclouds have blanketed the city, and the thunder and lightening roar and light up the city every 10-15 seconds now. I hope that this will all pass in the next few hours and the sky opens up to reveal that full moon like last night. Otherwise it could be a rough night.

Positive, positive thinking …

I am off to LAX in about an hour and I have yet to pack. Destination this weekend: Birmingham, Alabama. Oh yeah, envy me. J

According to good old weather.com the temperature in Alabama is 90degrees, humid with chance of scattered thunderstorms all weekend. Great, eh? Hopefully it will not rain on Sunday evening. That is the night of our charity comedy show. What person in their right mind – in the SOUTH – will venture out in the rain just to go to a comedy show? Even if it is free? On a SUNDAY! Well, hopefully things turn out great and all this stressing I’ve been doing this week is all for nothing. I’d rather that happen than me come home feeling like we failed. That would totally suck!

Time to pack. cynaboo out!

So this is Oscar. If Oscar comes prancing your way, RUN and run really fast. That is unless you want to die.

Hospice cat seems to predict death

PROVIDENCE, R.I. – Oscar the cat seems to have an uncanny knack for predicting when nursing home patients are going to die, by curling up next to them during their final hours. His accuracy, observed in 25 cases, has led the staff to call family members once he has chosen someone. It usually means they have less than four hours to live. ….

The 2-year-old feline was adopted as a kitten and grew up in a third-floor dementia unit at the Steere House Nursing and Rehabilitation Center. The facility treats people with Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s disease and other illnesses.

After about six months, the staff noticed Oscar would make his own rounds, just like the doctors and nurses. He’d sniff and observe patients, then sit beside people who would wind up dying in a few hours.

Read the full story on Yahoo! News

Honestly, I wish I had more time to read a book. Most of my reading is done on a computer and often time sifting through css and web pages. That is why I love vacations and traveling. Last week I took some time off and a couple of days, one in particular, I had my nose in a book the entire day. I can read and read and read and just keep reading.  It’s quite addicting. So for those of you out there that don’t  read much, hopefully this will inspire you. If not, hopefully it will at least give you a chuckle or two.

Normally I would not care that my flight is delayed, after all I don’t have a connecting flight and I am actually going to be off for about a week. But I am really exhausted at the moment and this Alaskan Airlines terminal I am sitting in is so ghetto and filled with so many white trash people.  Right now I am sitting on the floor, plugged into the wall and there are these teenage boys sitting near me also on their laptop. What are they doing? Why, going through MySpace and Facebook bitching about people leaving comments.  So this is the culture and youth of today? Honestly, I am so consumed working with comedians that I sometimes am oblivious to how socially corrupting we are to today’s youth. It is amusing really. It is like I am witnessing the birth of idiocrasy, right here, right now in this airport.  Kind of makes me wonder what older people thought of me and my teen-crew back in the day. We tried to act “so cool,” but were we really? We tried to defy our parents, do bad things, say even worse things and all for what? To be cool. What the hell is cool anyway? Wonder what these boys will grow up to be or how they will act in high school. Will they be the jock? Will they be the frat boy? Will they be the next millionaire tech-entreprenuer? 

This is so sad.  Will I ever get to SF tonight? Ugh….it looks like we might be finally boarding… an hour late keep your fingers crossed for me!